She is still here. But she is also even more querulous and unhappy than she was last year. She has a batch of smaller ailments on top of the leukemia, and phone calls with her have become an unhappy duty. I owe her one right now and I DON'T WANT TO CALL!
And I don't want to go home for Thanksgiving. It may be her last Thanksgiving, and I know we're lucky to have her there, to be able to go and be with her.
But I am burned out. Perimenopause/menopause is piling symptom after symptom on top of me and I am a champion hypochondriac and every symptom scares me.
I am stressed from all that has gone on at work this fall. I am stressed thinking about Hanukkah--the girls need to have a party w/their friends at least, and there's still the lunch to do at work, and about Christmas.
There's a major construction job involving a large pantry cabinet going on in the house and I have no idea when/if the Man is ever going to finish it. There's a thousand things I need to do at home.
I am taking off Thanksgiving week because that Monday is my 52nd birthday
And I'd rather be home all week. I'd like a lot of extra naps since my night sleeping is so bad.
I'd like some time to curl up and read a batch of new books and watch lots of old television shows.
The only bright spot is that my sister-in-law and brother-in-law are going up for Thanksgiving and that we are going to get together for lunch at our family gathering spot with them, my two other brother-in-laws who are still in NYC and our niece. And I want to see them all and be with them all.
I'll go home, and be the good daughter, and know that this may be the last time I am able to go "home" for Thanksgiving.
And I also guarantee that my brother and his family will be somewhere else.........