Sunday, November 04, 2012

Dear, Darling Niece:

You have been my adored niece all your life. You were the first baby I ever really held. You were my darling when you were little. One of the best things at the time I married the Man was becoming your "real" auntie.

I'm proud of you and I love you. We all do.
But we aren't coming to your "wedding".

On your "wedding website" you proudly declare "Nine years, three kids, etc later..." Proudly!

Nine years ago you were a very young single mom. You'd found a great guy. He loved your daughter. He got along well with all of us. I knew he was good for you.

And when he proposed, in front of the whole family on Christmas Day, I rejoiced.

You talked about the wedding. And then, suddenly, there was no wedding, and there was my great-nephew.

Time went on. Nanay died. You had our unexpected and much beloved second great-niece.
Time went on. Tatay died.

And now, NINE FUCKING YEARS after that proposal you are planning an incredibly tasteless party for you and your friends labeled as a "wedding".

You are having it in the middle of the week, at a country club at least an hour from us.

Your wedding web site chirps "Dress to impress. If the bride has to wear high heels, so do you.".

Since you already have a fully furnished townhouse, two excellent cars and everything else you could desire, you are cutely asking for "red and gold envelopes". A nice tip to your Asian heritage, but it still says "Give us cash"

And you are planning a "no children under 12"--aside from your own 3, who doubtlessly will be dressed to the nines, complete with a late night bar and a plan for us all to "Go out on the terrace and smoke cigars"

Baby, I've got asthma. I don't want to be even NEAR anyone smoking cigars.
Never mind that.Your Nanay, a non-smoker DIED OF LUNG CANCER. You sat up with her when she was dying. How can you be such an asshole about smoking, ever?

I haven't worn high heels since I was in college. I don't own them and I am not dropping money on dress up clothes for me, for the girls and for the Man. We don't have the money.

And speaking of money, considering that your "fiance" alone makes more than the Man and I do combined, I'll be damned if we'll give you money we need to pay our bills and feed the girls so that you can go to Las Vegas and Atlantic City on junkets, as I'm constantly seeing you do on your Facebook page.

If you had gotten married 9 years ago Nanay would have been there. So would Tatay. You could have had a smaller wedding, but your aunts and uncles would all have been there.

Nay and Tay are gone and the rest of us are now we're scattered to the four corners of the Earth.
Your uncles can't travel here--they have jobs that don't let them do that and they don't have tons of travel money.

We don't have the travel considerations the rest of the family has, but the Man and I have work and the girls have school and we can't and won't do this.

Have a lovely time at your chic party with your incredibly overdone friends. Call it a "wedding" if you insist.

We won't be there.
But we love you. And if you ever need us, we are always there for you.

All my love,
Auntie L


De said...

I'm sorry. You're right and I'm glad you're sticking to your guns, but it's sad, too. Values can be so skewed.

The Library Lady said...

This is one of the prime topics I cannot talk about on Facebook and need to blog about. Wish it was otherwise.