Went to see my OB and told her I'd had two light periods since December--one in August, one last week.
In fact, until August I was pretty durn sure that this month I would officially be at menopause.
I told her how stressed I was, about all that's happened to us this year, and that I'd had a flare-up of Irritable Bowel Syndrome--something I've wrestled since graduate school, nearly 30 years ago.
And she's decided I need an ultra-sound. And I'm terrified that it will find something terrible.
I want to be healthy. I want my family to be healthy. I don't want to spend any more time in doctor's offices or anything relating to the medical profession.
I don't want to be scared all the time that something bad is about to happen to me, or to someone I love.
I don't want to be scared that something bad is going to happen to me and hurt my girls and my husband.
"I think it will be negative," my OB said. She patted me on the shoulder and said "You've had your share of trouble this year already."
Who says it stops? Who says, okay, you've had your share and that's it--nothing but good things to come!
I am having the test tomorrow. I will be waiting between now and some time around Christmas to know what is or isn't happening to me.
All I want for Christmas is to not be scared any more.
And I'm scared right now.