Tuesday, May 28, 2013

5 Years Gone

Dear Nanay,

Five years ago today I stood there in Target, clutching the clothing I was getting for the girls and heard the Man telling me you were gone.

I wish you were here, Nay. I wish you were here to see SC at 18--18,Nanay!--and to roll your eyes with me over her boyfriend and to proudly watch her graduate from high school next month.  I wish you were here to see JR getting so tall--taller than you now, almost taller than me--and so beautiful and could teach her words from Tagalog and secrets of your baking.

I wish you were here to love the Man, Nay, and so I'd have you to talk to about him. Maybe there's things you could say to him that he'd listen to in a way he won't for me.  I can't reach him the way you could.

He misses you so much.

We all do.

But you're with me. You're there when I bake. When I use your cookbooks, some of the things that came from your kitchen.

When I love them all--the Man, the girls, the rest of your family.

I'm doing my best to take care of them all, Nanay. I promised you that and I meant it.

Love you. Miss you. So glad to have you in my life.


De said...

How can so much time have passed? Maybe, if he is willing, The Man will hear her speaking to him, in the way that our beloved dead are always still within us. I hope so, because I'd like for you to make some headway with whatever frustrations you have.

I was off FB for a while and now I can't locate you again. If you want to, try to find me!

The Library Lady said...

I hope he hears her. I do, at times, I think. I'm just not always sure he hears ME, and I'm right there....