Friday, June 28, 2013

Needing A Time Machine, Dealing With the Now

I'd gotten out of my car at the neighborhood CVS, needing a pill cutter for another medication that will probably not help Mama Bella, our ailing cat.

She's been having stomach issues on and off for months. This time she's on steroids and they're not doing what they should be. She ate 4 meals in a row but this morning wouldn't even sniff at food. She is peeing on things. She peed on the bed last night, with us in it! When the Man came downstairs this morning, more pee on the sofa downstairs.

We were supposed to be off on a road trip today. North to Buffalo/Niagara to see one of the Man's brothers and the cousin who is like his oldest brother. The girls and I haven't seen them since Tatay's funeral.

And then we were off to see my dearest friend and her family. They too are family and this once a year trip is something we cherish.

But instead, we are home, hoping that Bella will be well enough for us to at least head to Lancaster, PA for a few days next week. And I am beginning to wonder about that.

As I got out of my car, an elderly woman got out of hers. African American, tall, silver haired.
"Can you tell me how to get to_____?"  And she showed me an address I knew well. A medical building opposite to the library where I used to work.

I offered directions, but at the suggestion of the highway, she panicked. I also noticed she was from the part of the town where I now work. From that and the Mercedes SUV, I guessed she was akin (and perhaps related) to another older lady from the same part of town who would gladly drive 15 or 20 miles further to avoid highways.

"I'll lead you there," I offered.  It's only about 10 minutes from where we were, even on the streets.

So I drove slowly, with her following me, till I waved her into the parking lot of the medical building.
And I pulled into the parking lot of the library where I worked for a mostly happy 10 years and cried.

I want to turn time back and work there again, in my hectic, busy children's room instead of my current lovely one where I mostly entertain nannies and their very young charges, who feel free to treat my room as a playground.

I want to go home to my adorable baby, my sweet, trouble free preschooler and a husband who isn't rapidly turning into an angry old man. I want my cats young and frisky.

I want my mother-in-law and my father-in-law and the promise of holidays with a crowd of family.
I want my brother still a part of the family.

I want my mother healthy and strong and irritating and arguing with my father.
And I want my father. I want my dad.

And then I went to the CVS over there and got what I needed and came home again.

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