Last year it was Tatay. Then my dad, and then, to add insult to injury, Bart the cat.
Three weeks ago it was my Bella girl. Just 3 weeks ago today!
And now my mom is in the hospital. Her leukemia is full blown. Her white cell count is not only not responding to a new medication, it's gotten worse. Her kidneys aren't working well.
I feel as if I am in the book of Job, with God raining one tragedy after another on my head.
I feel cursed.
I spend time waiting for the next bad thing to happen, and now it is happening and I am SO tired of it all.
I don't want my mom to die. I don't want her to go away from us.
Above all, I don't want her to suffer.
And I don't want to deal with everything that will come afterwards and I hate myself for being cold blooded enough to think about it.
But I have to.
Because that too will fall upon me, as so much has over the past few years.