Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Looking Back, Looking Forward

I happened to go over to Magpie Musing's blog--I haven't been reading blogs much in recent times, and she mentioned how she's been printing out years of her blog periodically.  I did this myself for just the first year or so of my blog, but then stopped. But this inspired me to look at my old blogs.

I had to move my blog here from Blog City some years ago, but before I did so I was able to download all my years of posts to an email account. So after reading Maggie's post, I went there and started retrieving my stuff.

I started in 2003, and I am now working through 2005. It is stunning how much I wrote in those years.  Even removing book reviews and recipes, there is a ton of material chronicling my life, my family and the world around me for nearly a decade of my life.

Right now I am just downloading the stuff, putting it into Word documents, and sending them to the Drop Box account I started to house Dad's photos. But eventually I want to edit them and print them out, year by year.

Already I have spotted sweet bits about the girls, still young back then, rants about the Man, and complaints about patrons. Some things have changed. Some haven't.

Meanwhile I am trying to make up my mind to go and look at another house. It is not in our immediate neighborhood, but it's still within our comfort zone area, and it's big and beautiful.

One thing I wrote about in those blogs was how the Man felt as if we had a dark cloud hovering over us, and how I chose happiness. It's sad how I've swung towards his way of thinking, at least some of the time.  I'm scared that this house IS the one, because I'm scared that if we get it, it will somehow now be good, or that something else bad will happen.

I need to stop doing that. And to keep remembering to believe what Andy, the guru of Headspace says--even when it's cloudy there is blue sky beyond.

It's a gray, wet start to May, but I'm trying to believe in the blue sky.

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