Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Dear Mom

How can you be gone 4 years already?

We have settled well into our new house--I suppose after 1 1/2 years it isn't so new anymore. I wish that you could see it. We had a party in July for our circulation manager when she got forced into retirement, and I had 25 people there, and we had my work family and Rosie and the other family here over for a Hanukkah party in December. You wouldn't have approved of what I served, but it would have been fun telling you all about it.

SC is struggling with IBS and the fact that she can't pass the damn math exam she needs to start graduate school. Magna Cum Laude from GMU, but she because she's still getting the math panic, she's on hold for school. Add to that the fact that her long time boyfriend decided he was a woman-I think it had been coming for a long time--and she ended up breaking up with him/her, though they are still close. She says that JR and I forced her into it, but I think she knew she needed to do so. She's so smart and capable, and so lonely, and I hurt for her. College years weren't all fun for me, but I did have friends to rely on and a boyfriend I loved.

JR goes up and down. After the disaster of prom night--she essentially had a panic attack--she and her boyfriend went up and down for a while, broke up, and are now back together again. During the fall she only took a few classes at community college, but she does like it. She also worked for 2 1/2 months at a supermarket. Good customer service training, but the hours were hellish, and she kept not getting a dinner time and I had to ferry her home at night. So she quit and is now taking just 3 classes this spring, but says she is determined to hurry up and finish and move out--doubtlessly with the boy friend. He's a nice guy, but not terribly deep, and I really wish better for her, but she's happy. She has no idea truly what moving out on your own is, but I was out at her age. How did you cope with that? In the days before Facebook and Skype and cell phones how did you manage my being gone and 150 miles away? It boggles my mind, truthfully.

The Man is as lovable and infuriating as ever, but he hasn't been as depressed this winter as he often is. We are waiting for papers so we can clean out his brother's apartment in NY. He died suddenly in August and the Man is supposed to handle the estate, but he had no will, and the courts are taking forever to give us the legal papers we need. Meanwhile his other brother's ridiculous marriage to a LI redneck who fits very well down in Alabama is on the skids, and he is living in a cheap motel right now. There is talk of reconciliation, and I wish it wouldn't happen. The Man worries about his siblings, and feels responsible for him. I love him for that, but it's hard to live with the results at times. And he and JR often clash--he just doesn't know how to talk to her as an adult, now that she has made it clear she is no longer the baby girl.

Me?  I've got a new assistant who I love, a boss who is still a Type A loon who really shouldn't be a manager at all because he is NOT a people person but a total introvert(!), a house I love with birds, deer and other wildlife to watch, and the wrath of menopause upon me. I am finally losing weight though, and we are all going to the gym near the house, though the Man goes but seldom. I wish the girls were out on their own for their sake, but living with them now is a lot like being in the house in Albany with my friends again, and I love having them home.

And I've got that thing with needing an MRI of my lungs still shadowing my life, but I'm trying to ignore that. Though I know if you were here, I'd already have been to the doctor.

I miss you and Daddy every day, Mom. I know I always will.
But you're both still with me forever.


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